Episode 44: Thorpe Park (Fearless Found)

My first Europe trip begins with a solo visit to Thorpe Park, just outside London.  Ever since Hyperia opened in 2024, this park topped my UK hype list with this wacky looking hyper coaster from Mack Rides.  I seek out truly unique roller coasters, and there ain't nothing traditional about this twisted inverting behemoth.  Known as the UK's Most Thrilling Theme Park, Thorpe is also home to the Nemesis Inferno B&M invert, a wing coaster called Swarm, and of course Stealth, an Intamin hydraulic launched coaster boasting the current record for the world's fastest acceleration.  

Join me for a slightly rocky start to my voyage, and my first-time reactions to Thorpe Park's roller coasters before I begin my Coaster Breaks tour through Belgium, Germany, and the Netherlands.        

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Transcript

I’d been methodical.  Obsessive even.  Meticulously checking every box as I prepared to depart for Europe.  I had my flights and hotels booked months in advance, as well as my Coaster Breaks tour.  I bought the required travel insurance, an E-SIM for my phone, and a plug adaptor to charge my devices.  I was fully packed with enough pairs of gym shorts with zipper pockets for the 12 day adventure.  I added my passport number and my TSA Pre-Check to my reservation with Virgin Atlantic.  I selected my in-flight meal.  Everything on the airline side was good to go.  The time was 2:30 pm.  I wanted to be in an Uber to the Miami International Airport at 3:00, so I’d be on the concourse by 4:00 with plenty of time to check my luggage and get through security for my 6pm departure.  

I rechecked my bag for the last time and felt for my passport in my pocket.  Can’t forget that.  I still had about 30 minutes before requesting my Uber.  I didn’t want to get there too early.  I hate sitting around in  airports.  There was one thing I could do.  I guess I could check in for my flight.  Hey, one less thing, right?  I logged onto the Virgin Atlantic website, entered my credentials, and was met with a warning.  We are unable to check you in at this time, as you do not have the required ETA.  An Electronic Travel Authorization to enter the UK.  What?  How did I miss this?  I began shaking, pacing, barely able to control my anxiety as my heart rate skyrocketed higher than it ever would on a roller coaster.  At that moment, the trip of a lifetime I’d been planning for half a year was in jeopardy.                    

Welcome to Episode 44 of Coaster Redux.  My name is Erik, and this is the story of my revived roller coaster fandom. For years, I’d all but forgotten my coaster obsession from high school and college, but since the pandemic, I’ve been on a mission to ride as many new coasters as I can.  I know as a roller coaster fan that one of my favorite parts of the hobby is getting the reaction of somebody coming off a ride they’ve never ridden before.  That’s what I want to share with you. 

And with that, join me as I try to salvage this nightmare, hopefully make it to the airport, to London, and to Thorpe Park for the first time.  I’ve got places to be.  People to meet, and coasters to ride.  This is how my first Europe trip begins, so let me tell you the full story, beginning right now on Coaster Redux.   

I attempted to compose myself.  I logged onto the UK’s ETA website to apply for my visa.  The standard processing time is three business days.  Cluck me.  I pulled up Google, and asked how long an ETA typically takes.  The processing time for a UK ETA is typically within three working days. Most applications are processed much quicker, often in just a few minutes, but it's advisable to allow up to 72 hours for cases that may require manual checks.  My fingers were shaking as I hastily entered my information and made the payment of 20 pounds and tapped submit.  All I could do now was wait.

About three minutes later, my phone buzzed with an e-mail stating that my application had been approved.  I was good!  I tried to check in with Virgin again, but was still denied.  But I have confirmation of my ETA in hand on my phone, so I best hightail it to the airport so I can clear this up with a ticket agent.  I requested my Uber.

I checked my pocket for my passport again.  And my wallet and phone.  If I was missing anything else, I could deal with it along the way.  I closed  and locked my front door, climbed into the Uber, and tried to relax on a mostly traffic-free ride to MIA.

The International terminal was largely empty on this Tuesday afternoon.  I walked straight to the front of the line to speak with an agent at the Virgin counter.  I explained the situation, and she was super friendly and helpful.  She cleared me through check-in with my ETA,  checked my bag and handed me my boarding pass, accompanied by directions to security.  I had 90 minutes until boarding, and quickly cleared security through Pre Check, which I’d never done before.  I didn’t have to take my shoes off or empty my backpack.  It was seamless, and very much appreciated after the events of the last hour.  I walked to my gate and saw the massive Airbus A-330, named Beauty Queen, standing by at the ready to transport me across the Pond.

Boarding commenced, and I’d booked an extra legroom seat on the left side of the aircraft with a window seat, hoping to catch a great view of Biscayne Bay upon take-off.  As I made my way to the middle of the airplane, I saw an elderly lady in the aisle seat of my row.  I politely said I was in the window seat and was greeted by a lovely flight attendant with a charming British accent.  She asked if I would be willing to move one row forward to allow the lady’s daughter to sit next to her.  This meant that I would be in an exit row with unlimited legroom, a win for both of us, so I was happy to oblige.  After all the stress of the last few hours, things were finally looking up as I prepared to take to the skies.

We departed right on time, and began taxiing towards the runway.  

With that, it finally became real.  The trip I’d thought about every single day for the last six months was happening.  The Rolls-Royce engines spooled up and Beauty Queen gracefully lifted off gaining altitude.  I often stand on gangways of charter yachts I operate in downtown Miami looking up as these giant birds maraud into the sky bound for far-off destinations unknown, yet on this departure, I looked down at those yachts peacefully tied to the docks.  I’ll see y’all later.

I stretched out and settled in for nine hours in the air.  There was a hump on the exit door just ahead of me, and I could put my feet up on it.  In flight meal service began, and I removed the tray table from my armrest.  The teriyaki chicken wasn’t half bad, but the padding on my seat certainly was.  This airplane is among the oldest in Virgin’s fleet at 15 years, and my seat clearly had some miles on it.  I tried to sleep, and I usually do when flying, as something about the cabin pressurization usually knocks me right out.  It didn’t happen on this flight, and I needed to stand up at least once per hour to restore feeling to my bum after sitting on that hard seat.  Fortunately, I could do that without disturbing anybody.  I watched some TV, and allowed the time to pass, albeit slowly.  I will say that the service on this flight was outstanding!  The Virgin crew was super friendly, and I never wanted for anything as they were always coming around offering water and soft drinks.  While Beauty Queen wasn’t the most comfortable, service from the Virgin team was five stars.

We dropped below the clouds over the English countryside as we made our approach into Heathrow.  We touched down a bit ahead of schedule, and I was happy to stand up and stretch as I deplaned.  I made my way towards customs and was denied entry using an automated kiosk, so I needed to wait a few minutes before speaking with an officer in person.  I wondered if my last-minute visa was gonna be a problem.  He checked my passport and asked me about the nature of my visit, and I was soon on my way to pick up my bag and exit the terminal.

I stepped outside and it was a brisk 55 degrees Fahrenheit beneath cloudy skies.  That’s 13 degrees Celcius.  I was wearing track pants expecting this, and pulled a jacket from my luggage to combat the cold.  My current mission was to get to my hotel, the Moxy London Heathrow, located three miles away on the perimeter of the airport, and the easiest way to get there was the Hotel Hoppa bus for 6 pounds.  I was seriously tired at this point since I didn’t sleep on the plane.  After about 15 minutes in the main terminal drop off, I saw the bus with my route H2D pull in.  I approached the door and asked the driver if he was going to the Moxy.  He said no, and directed me through a tunnel beneath the terminal to another bus pick-up point.  I waited an additional 15-20 minutes, and the same bus with the same driver pulled in.  I asked again if this bus was going to the Moxy, and he said yes. I tapped my card to pay the fare and stepped aboard.  Sure woulda been nice to get on the bus earlier versus waiting outside in the cold. 

Morning traffic was pretty miserable as we drove around the airport’s periphery.  My exhausted brain recalled a YouTube video I’d watched about cruise ship employees using a service called the Fun Bus to get from their ship’s berth to local grocery and department stores to pick up essentials on their port days.  The creator said that the Fun Bus was more of a van, and the service was terrible, so it was neither a bus, nor was it fun.  The Hotel Hoppa then became the Fun Bus in my head, and I will refer to it as such through the remainder of this series.

So the Fun Bus drove well past the Moxy in stop-and-go traffic before reversing course and finally dropping me at the door to my hotel just before 10 am.  My plan had been to drop my bags at the Moxy and spend the day exploring London before going to Thorpe Park tomorrow.  That plan assumed that I’d gotten some sleep on the flight which I didn’t, so I walked up to the check-in desk and asked a simple question.  What’s the earliest time I can check in?

The attendant said I was very very early for check-in.  I laughed, and said, I know, that’s why I’m asking the earliest time I can check in.  He laughed too, thanked me for being a Marriott rewards member, and said, do you think I have a room for you?  My bantering energy was pretty drained, and I said, I don’t know.  He told me I was in luck and offered me coffee from the breakfast display.  I politely declined, as I wanted to sleep, and thanked him for allowing me to check in so early.

I took the elevator to my room, and settled in.  My window faced the landing approach to the runway, and the av geek in me marveled at widebodies from all over the world on short final.  It was spectacular, but I was beat, and I closed the curtains and laid down.  

My mind was still racing.  I made it to the UK!  I’m going to Thorpe Park tomorrow!  Then on Friday I had to get to the Ashford International Station to meet my Coaster Breaks group.  I tried to sleep for over 45 minutes, but I simply couldn’t get my brain to shut down.  And I was hungry.  The plane food didn’t fully satisfy me, so I gave up.  

I got out of bed, and hopped on Google.  I abandoned the idea of sightseeing in London.  I couldn’t bear the thought of taking the Fun Bus back to the airport for a long train ride to the city, but I wanted to feel a bit of authentic England.  I saw a beautiful pub from the bus, but it wasn’t close enough to walk.  Fortunately, I found another that was.  The Queen’s Head in Cranford was about a ten minute walk from the Moxy, and its Tudor style architecture was stereotypically spot on.  Red brick facades, black window frames, and white stucco with a Fuller’s beer sign.  Apparently the brewery also owns the place.  It was perfect, and the interior was rustic and charming with woodwork throughout.  

I grabbed a table and ordered up a pint of ESB on tap from a cask, and a lamb burger with cheese, onions, gherkins, and burger sauce.  It was awesome!  The patty was hefty and juicy, the sauce was sensational, and the steak fries, which I should call chips, were hot and delicious.  I hadn’t had a Fuller’s in years, and this malty brew made the meal.  I walked the few blocks back to the hotel through a quaint neighborhood with brown brick row homes, knowing one thousand percent that I would be able to pass out hard after a proper burger and beer.  

I returned to my room around 1 pm and snoozed for a solid few hours, but didn’t want to overdo it.  I needed to acclimate to the time change.  I woke up, and set up my laptop to work on content and watch some YouTube, and come dinner time, I had to order up the English National Dish and one of my all-time favorites, Chicken Tikka Masala via Uber Eats.  It was delicious, and surprisingly less expensive than a comparable order stateside.  I got a full night of sleep and woke up bright and early, ready to take on Thorpe Park.

I felt unusually refreshed, and opened my curtain to watch the parade of international flights completing their red-eyes into Heathrow.  If you’re into plane spotting, this hotel can’t be beat.  I headed for the shower and couldn’t find a wash cloth.  My room was equipped with hand towels and beach sized towels for drying; considerably larger than the bath towels I’m used to in the US.  Apparently wash clothes are considered personal items here, and most would bring their own, or a body wash puff.  Noted for the future, and my hands worked just fine with the soap provided.

I dressed and was somehow hungry again this morning, and with over an hour before park opening at ten, I had time for breakfast.  The Moxy had a spread available, but it was pricey, and I was just looking for a quick sandwich bite.  I found it just down the street at Karak Chaii, a delightful little cafe, where I grabbed a masala omelet sausage wrap to go.  It was spicy and delicious, and I was fully energized for my first of eight theme parks on this trip.  

Skies were cloudy with the high forecast at about 70 degrees Fahrenheit, or 21 Celsius with no rain, but it was still quite chilly in the morning.  Thorpe Park was a mere 9.5 miles away, and I waited at the Fun Bus drop point for my Uber ride.  Before long, I climbed into a sweet Mercedes-Benz A-class, and my driver was incredibly friendly.  He noted my destination, and we got to chatting about UK theme parks. He’s been to Thorpe and Chessington several times, but had yet to make it to Alton Towers, as he was waiting for his kids to be a bit older.  He made the ride a pleasure as we traversed motorways leading onto pleasant suburban streets. 

Now, I’ve been so enamored talking about the journey thus far, I haven’t even begun to introduce my destination.  Thorpe Park brands itself as the UK’s most thrilling theme park, and is home to eight roller coasters.  While both Alton Towers and Blackpool Pleasure Beach feature ten, Thorpe’s got a worthy claim, and since Hyperia opened in 2024, it immediately climbed to the top of my must-visit list in England.  I seek out rides with unique elements, and there ain’t nothing traditional about a single inch of Hyperia’s layout.  It’s Britain’s tallest and fastest roller coaster with a height of 236 feet, a wild-looking twisted first drop, two inversions, and the wonkiest looking outerbanked turnaround I’ve ever seen.  

That alone would have been enough to get me to visit, but Thorpe is also home to the Nemesis Inferno B&M invert, the SAW Gerstlauer Eurofighter, a B&M wing coaster called Swarm, and of course, Stealth, an Intamin hydraulic launched coaster with a height of 205 feet and a top speed of 80 mph, a stalwart line up of thrill coasters perfect to kick-off my trip.  And with this park being so close to the airport, I absolutely had to check it out.  As for the rest of the UK parks, those’ll have to wait for another time.  

My Uber cruised across the Thames, rotated through roundabouts, and passed charming brick homes in Chertsey before dropping me in a nearly empty car park about 15 minutes before rope drop.  The entrance isn’t particularly impressive with the blue and red logo printed on canvas stretched onto a green latticework archway.  

I proceeded through security and towards the front gate, pulled up my day ticket on my phone, and scanned in.  42 quid or just over 55 US dollars.  Not bad.  I exited the entry plaza to cross a pedestrian bridge over a lake.  As I walked on the terrazzo-style concrete beneath my feet, there was no ignoring the mammoth white structure of Hyperia to the left just across the water.  That first drop looked impossibly steep as it twisted beneath itself, and the remainder of the visible layout was demented like nothing I’d seen before.  I couldn’t wait to get started as I continued across the lagoon.    

Thorpe Park is built on a sort of island.  The surrounding site was used as a gravel pit by a company called Ready Mixed Concrete, or RMC.  Once they shut down operations, the quarry was flooded creating a series of lakes with a central island.  The park originally opened in 1979 as more of an edutainment experience with various exhibits and themed areas.  Rides were added throughout the 80’s, and Thorpe benefitted from the Coaster Wars with five major thrill rides being added between 2000 and 2006 under new ownership from the Toussauds Group which became Merlin Entertainments, one of Europe’s largest theme park operators.

The bridge funnels guests into the massive front Dome structure that was original to the park.  It kinda looks like a concrete circus tent and it now serves as the main gateway with arcade games, a gift shop, eateries, and air conditioning to escape the heat.  It’s dark and a bit dated.  Not the greatest first impression.

I had about 5 minutes to rope drop.  Operating hours were short on this Thursday in May with the park closing at 5pm.  I planned to be strategic and tick off the low capacity coasters early, so my first ride would be the Walking Dead.  I’d consulted the map before leaving the hotel so I had a vague idea of where to go.  Ready to get my day started, I headed out the back doors of the Dome.

The sliders wooshed open, and what’s up Thorpe Park?!  I’ve never heard anybody talk about this reveal, not that I researched it that closely, but I was awestruck!  Despite overcast skies, I was greeted by a stunning panorama.  Convoluted steel structures dominate the landscape as they tower above the tree canopy.  You can see everything!  Swarm, Stealth, Nemesis Inferno, and Hyperia.  I was hyped.  Time to truly get this trip started.  Let’s go.

I made my way downstairs, passing a waterslide complex to be as close to that rope as possible.  Groups of teens were clustered ahead as the clock counted down.

Right on time, we were released, and I headed straight towards the middle of the park.  I located the entrance to the Walking Dead and was literally the first person in line.  I’m a huge fan of this TV franchise, so I was excited to see what’s in store.

The Walking Dead - The Ride opened in 1996 as X:\ No Way Out, the first major roller coaster at Thorpe Park.  While RCDB classifies this as a family coaster, I’m not sure the flesh-eating zombie theme on this enclosed Vekoma ride is completely family friendly.  Time to find out.

I waited a moment for a few others to join me in the queue.  Once we had a handful of guests ready to take on the walkers, we were escorted into a pre-show room.  A sign reads, “Please stand here for questioning.”  It’s dark and dilapidated matching the aesthetic of the show, and we’re asked those three familiar questions.

The door opens and we’re winding through the dark corridors of whatever abandoned building this is.  Lights flash, and supposedly they have scare actors here.  The mere thought of that heightens the sense of danger.  Are we going to escape?  Or will we find ourselves among a hoard of the encroaching dead?

We board the roller coaster, some kind of transport system with orders not to disembark until we reach the cafeteria.  Power is fluctuating as we head up the lift.  We then begin twisting through the darkness as we pass walker sounds.  We come to a stop, and see a screen projection of zombies attacking the alleged safe zone.  

The operator gets the train restarted and we make a few final turns through the darkness before finally reaching the unload bay.  

We exit through more dark tunnels as the train only got us so far, but eventually we’re out, and safe.  And what a great start to my day at Thorpe!  It’s an excellent IP for a roller coaster, and they absolutely captured the feel of the franchise.  The queue and exit hallways added to the excitement, and while the coaster itself was family-thrill at best, it’s a solid attraction overall.  

I’d just survived a zombie apocalypse, and exited onto the midway and bore left towards my next ride.  The pleasant scenery was a welcome interlude before entering the realm of one of the scariest movie characters of all time.

Now I’m not a big horror nut, but there’s no denying the visceral terror that is Saw, and I’m a fan.  Outlandish torture devices place victims in impossible situations seemingly curated by the creepiest doll ever created, and Thorpe Park was bold enough to build a roller coaster themed to the franchise in 2009.  It’s a Gerstlauer Euro-Fighter with a height of 100 feet, three inversions, and 2,362 feet of track.  I stepped into the queue, and like the Walking Dead, it was nearly a walk-on.

I had a momentary outdoor delay before entering Jigsaw’s lair, and had an unobstructed view of Hyperia’s absurd outerbank turnaround.  I grabbed a video before being allowed inside.  

I entered an abandoned warehouse filled with Jigsaw’s various death machines, and we’re directed to board a vehicle in order to face our fears.  Each features two rows seating eight across, with Gerstlauer’s over-the-shoulder restraints.  I’m not gonna call it a torture device, but based on my experience, these restraints aren’t optimal for this ride type.  They’re pretty much the same as Mystery Mine at Dollywood.

I boarded my row with a mother and her two young boys.  We lowered the horsecollars and proceeded towards dispatch into the dark.  

Saw begins in a tunnel passing Jigsaw himself before a very steep drop narrowly missing a plate covered in spikes.  It’s barely visible, but it’s an incredible surprise!  You then navigate  a left turn and complete a heartline roll before emerging into daylight.  

The mother sitting next to me wasn’t into this and cursed her way through the roll, saying she’d swore these things off since her trip to the US.  We made an about face and engaged the vertical lift hill.  As we climbed, I asked her where she went in the States, and she replied Florida.  She hated Rip Ride Rock-It at Universal, but loved her time in America.  I agreed with her on both counts.

We topped out at 100 feet, and then plunged down beyond vertical at 100 degrees.  It’s sharp and gets your stomach squarely in your throat.

You pull up into an Immelman, make a slight bend, then sorta cutback downward in a diving curve towards the ground.  You rise up into a straight airtime hill that absolutely delivers, banking up and to the left into a mid-course.  It barely hits.  You rip down and twist into a dive loop and a quick break left into the station.

I parted ways with the British mother who didn’t much enjoy this ride, but my opinions were mixed.  First off, I loved the theme.  No US park would take on something so dark, and Thorpe did the series justice!  Looking from off-ride, that steep lift and beyond vertical drop look like aweapon of torture in itself, especially with the black paint and the theming details.  As for the ride itself?  I absolutely loved the layout.  The beginning indoor portion was exceptional with its surprises, and the rest is super strong as well.  You’ve got strong airtime and whip throughout the course.  My only lament?  It’s a headbanger.  But that’s got a simple fix.  Replace the horsecollars with lap bars, and I would have happily gone for a re-ride or two.      

I moved on.  Saw’s exit is right next door to Hyperia, so I decided to check out the park’s headliner.  I entered the themed area called Fearless Valley built specifically for this attraction, and it’s breathtaking.    The lower portions of the track and structure are painted in pearl gold while the higher parts are white, a local requirement to better blend the ride with the sky, minimizing visual  impact to the surrounding community.  It still looks cool.  The steep lift hill towers over 200 feet into the air.  But it’s what happens after that lift hill that’s got me so intrigued.  A twisting first drop that dives beneath itself, inversions, outerbanks, and stalls.  And they’re all hypersized.  The ride’s slogan is boldly printed in bold golden letters on the trains’ storage shed, setting an unforgettable backdrop for the queue.  “Find your fearless.”  A drum laden orchestral score pulsed throughout the valley hyping me further.  But the line was 45 minutes, and it was early in the day.  I figured people would rush here early, and the rest of the park’s coasters were on much shorter wait times.  I decided to continue exploring and come back later in hopes of a shorter line.

As I departed Fearless Valley, I noticed that Colossus had yet to open for the day.  I’d checked wait times yesterday and it had been closed, so I became concerned the same would be true today.  I also noted that the main dining option in the area was a Burger King, with a modern wooden facade matching the area.  Never seen one of those in a theme park before.  

I headed left and entered the Jungle themed area, bound for Nemesis Inferno.  This compact inverted coaster crosses above the pathway with a dark rusty red track and brown supports, and yes, it’s got that B&M roar!  

The ride was conceived as somewhat of a sequel to Nemesis at Alton Towers, though it shares no thematic similarities.  The Jungle area features brick pathways and brown rockwork supporting the coaster’s volcano theme.  Tropical plants including a few palm trees surround the ride area.        

I stepped into the queue for a 15 minute posted wait.  Switchbacks zig through rockwork and greenery as the pathway gently climbs upward.  Drums pound in the background building anticipation.  Apparently we’re heading for that volcano in the distance as the track weaves low and trains past fast.

There’s a snack stand about halfway through the queue which is a nice touch, and after passing it, we began the hike up the mountain.

Nemesis Inferno opened in 2003, just one year after Colossus, amid rampant expansion as Thorpe Park sought to put itself on the map as the UK’s thrill destination.  It’s got a height of 95 feet, 2,460 feet of track and four inversions.  The original Nemesis took the UK by storm when it debuted nine years earlier, and Toussaud’s wanted to build on the trend.            

The landscaping and rockwork are excellent, and the views of the park off to the right are awesome.  Upon reaching the top, I finally entered a tunnel into the volcanic mountain itself.  You can pick your row on Nemesis Inferno, and of course I chose the back for my first ride.

Operations thus far had been on point and this was no exception.  Both trains were running, and operators asked riders to unbuckle the safety belts on the harnesses prior to stopping in the station.  The gates opened, and I scurried aboard ready to feel the blast of this volcano.

The ride begins with a quick descending turn to the right, hugging the base of the mountain before entering a tunnel illuminated red.  Guess here’s where we put our feet to the fire and feel the heat of Nemesis Inferno.

It’s a lengthy pre-lift section with several gentle curves before engaging the chain.  Hyperia and Colossus stand to the right with Swarm visible in the distance.  We’re only going up 95 feet, so it’s a quick ascent before we drop off and bank left into the first drop.  

We dip down crossing low over water before pulling up into a vertical loop and immediately transition into a zero-G roll.  It’s snappy and fun with plenty of float.  We exit turning right and rapidly rotate through a corkscrew before continuing right through a turnaround just over the entrance.  We drop down, reversing course low again, and slam through another corkscrew right.  We bank hard right again through an inclined 270, then dip down into a tight left-hand reverse into the brakes.  

I stepped off and walked down amid more impressive rockwork.  The presentation of this ride is one of its biggest strengths.  The pre-lift section is memorable as it’s unique among inverts, and you fly over several water features through the ride enhancing the theme.  Nemesis Inferno has that classic B&M whip, solid positives, great pacing through its rapid-fire elements, and it’s perfectly smooth.  I didn’t get a single headbang.  The layout itself is short and rather unremarkable, but being an older model, it packs more of a punch than newer ones.  It’s a solid ride.  

I turned left as I departed Nemesis Inferno heading down a somewhat abandoned pathway.  I was heading for the giant white top hat of Stealth, allowing it to guide me to my destination.  I passed a second Burger King to my right with work walls to the left.  I didn’t know this at the time, but they’re blocking views of Rumba Rapids which was announced to close permanently earlier this year.  It’s a substantial site that will likely be home to the park’s next major addition.

I rounded a corner and entered the Amity Speedway complex which comprises the infield of Stealth’s layout.  The ride opened in 2006 as the UK’s fastest and second tallest roller coaster behind the Big One at Blackpool.  The ride is simple and straightforward.  A hydraulic launch from zero to 80 mph in 1.8 seconds heading into a 205 foot top hat and a braked airtime hill.  It’s basically a mini version of the defunct Kingda Ka at Six Flags Great Adventure, and what’s more?  With the closure of Dododonpa at Fuji-Q Highland in Japan back in 2021, Stealth assumed the position of the world’s fastest accelerating roller coaster.   These Intamin Accelerator coasters are pretty rare, and if the closing of Ka and the re-imagining of Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point are any indication, they’re not long for this world due to complicated mechanical workings, expensive maintenance, and frequent downtime.  That said, any time I have a chance to ride one of these, I’m over-the-moon excited because while they’re quite short, the insane acceleration is among my favorite sensations on any roller coaster, and there’s always plenty of airtime to boot.

The land is themed to a drag strip from 1950’s America, and I entered beneath the final hill.  Supports stand on speedway barriers, and benches are painted with red and white track arrows supported by tires.  50’s music is piped in from the local radio station, WWTP.  Like Hyperia, Stealth’s top hat is white above the treeline, but it keeps with the theme down low with track painted a dark grey mimicking dragstrip asphalt.  

I entered the queue through an oversized drag slick tire and passed directly beneath the launch.  The pathway runs parallel to the track, and there’s simply nothing like the sound of this system at work as that cable catapults the train forward.

The majority of the queue drops down grade to the left, but it’s closed off, and I proceeded back under the launch track towards the station, and the drag strip’s control tower.  At any racetrack, this would be home to officials managing the timing system and an announcer, but here, it’s the ride’s control booth.  

I climbed the stairs into the open air station with no roof.  Daydream Believer by the Monkees was playing as riders stashed their loose items in double-sided cubbies before selecting a row.  I bypassed this and chose the back row, only needing to wait a cycle or two to board.

Stealth operates with separate load and unload stations maximizing capacity on this very short roller coaster with two train ops.  The group in front of me boarded, and I got my first up-close look at the train.  It’s got the same ‘57 Chevy body panels as Xcelerator at Knott’s Berry Farm, which was actually the last hydraulic launched coaster I rode back in 2023.  Other than the red and black paint scheme, the other notable difference is that Stealth operates Intamin’s over the shoulder lap bar with a hard plastic shoulder vest like Kingda Ka and Cheetah Hunt at Busch Gardens Tampa.  

Crews were quick checking the train, and it wasn’t long before a steam effect simulated a burnout and that sweet lookin’ hot rod took off down the quarter mile.  Hell Yeah Brother.  

The next train entered the load platform empty, and I was beyond excited to feel the rush of a hydraulic launch again.  I climbed aboard, lowered the lap bar and buckled the safety belt and stood by waiting to stage.

There’s a kerchunk as the catch car connects beneath the train, and the hiss of compressed air as pneumatics lower the brake fins on the launch track.  Any second now.

The lights turn green and the train explodes forward towards the top hat with incredible ferocity, and the wind creates waveforms in my cheeks as we plow ahead because I’m grinning ear to ear.  Time slows down as the train moves faster, and the vibration soon takes over as we pull up to the sky and twist left.  

There’s a brief moment of serenity upon cresting the top with all of Thorpe Park just ahead before gravity takes over and I’m ejected into oblivion as Stealth plummets back into Amity in a righteous vertical freefall.  The pull-out is sharp, as is a second dose of strong ejector airtime as the train rockets over that speed hill before slowing into the brakes.              

It doesn’t matter how many times you ride one of these, that euphoric acceleration is world class, and yet Stealth keeps it simple.  Fun build-up, wicked launch, big top hat without much twisting, and a serious airtime hill.  Could I tell the difference in launch intensity on this versus the others I’ve ridden?  No, they’re all just so dang good.  Storm Runner at Hersheypark is the best I’ve done thus far because it’s got a lot more of a layout, and I think Stealth would be number two among these that still exist.  I felt like a daydream believer as I walked off a hydraulic launch coaster after a 15 minute posted wait, though it was probably more like ten.  I was making excellent time thus far.  I’d ridden four of Thorpe’s major roller coasters in just over an hour, and without time to waste, I headed towards the other side of the park in search of my next ride.

On my way, I passed through the remainder of Amity Cove. The backside of a great white shark protrudes from the facade of the town’s namesake hotel.  The radio station from Stealth continues the nostalgic vibe here, but the theming is far less amicable than the name implies.  Despite being a nod to Amity Island from the Jaws movies, this quaint northeastern American fishing village has a slightly dilapidated feel.  The anchor attraction here is Tidal Wave, a Shoot-the-Chutes water ride creating a splash as big as its name implies, and from the looks of things, I’d guess this town’s survived more than one.   

I departed Amity and rounded a corner to the left. I passed the Flying Fish junior coaster and encountered a completely different reality.  Rising sea levels gave way to an entirely new dystopia as I crossed the bridge onto Swarm Island.  Signs on the railings ranged from reading, “Legalize aliens” and “Locked up for what?” to “Stay home, don’t risk abduction, and save yourself.”  While I love the escape theme parks typically provide from endless political banter, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the British wit on display here.  

The dark grey lift hill and dive drop of Swarm were directly above, but I was staring straight ahead at the crashed remnants of a passenger jet and an ambulance that may just have been dropped from the sky.  I entered ground zero of an alien invasion, and this swarm of biomechanical beings really did a number on the place.  The centerpiece is a church with its roof torn off, which is also the ride’s station.  Shipping containers providing aid to residents house a gift shop, and a fire engine teeters on the edge of a pond.  All the while the winged beasts whoosh above.

Swarm opened in 2012 as the world’s second B&M wing coaster, with Wild Eagle at Dollywood and X-Flight at Six Flags Great America opened later the same year.  It was the first of the type in the UK featuring a height of 127 feet, four inversions, and 2,543 feet of track.  The seven-car trains are in fact the alien beings ransacking the area, and we’re going for a ride with them.

I stepped into the queue and there’s a news broadcast warning of an alien invasion in the vicinity of Thorpe Park.  Efforts are being made to contain the area and mitigate the damage.  I wound through the switchbacks, and the 25-minute posted wait turned out to be a mere 15 as I was routed to the left, or far side of the station.  The ride control booth is a badly damaged police command unit trailer that landed upside down in the roofless church.  On the opposite side, trains invert through an inline twist directly above riders waiting below.  There’s nothing like a good station fly-by. 

I decided to wait for the front row for my first ride, and enjoyed yet another exciting musical score as I waited to board.  When it was my turn, I was riding alone in my row, so I grabbed the outside seat. I lowered the new-style B&M vest restraint and prepared myself to become one with the Swarm.

You roll out of the station and immediately engage the lift hill.  At the top, the left side dips below the track and slowly rolls into the dive drop, and the hangtime is particularly crazy in front as the long train leaves the chain.  It takes several seconds before you pick up speed upon exiting the half-loop.  You careen beneath the wing of that downed airplane and pull up into a zero-G roll, and I felt like I was waiting for the rest of the train to catch up as I slowly inverted.  It felt odd.  

You exit the roll through a billboard giving a signature wing coaster near miss before banking right and climbing upwards into a 360 degree helix before pulling up into a corkscrew.  Again, this felt really slow in front like the rest of the train was being dragged behind.  Then, you bank left and reverse course into that in-line twist over the station before hitting the final brakes.

I left Swarm rather bewildered and disappointed.  I’m not the biggest wing coaster fan to begin with, but despite a full train and plenty of time to warm up, it felt super sluggish through the course.  Again, it felt like I was tugging on the rest of the train in the front row and it just wasn’t cooperating.  While the coaster itself was a bit of a downer, I enjoyed the theming and the music, and I resolved to come back later and try the other side in the back as one of the best things about wing coasters is how different the ride can be based on where you sit.

I returned to Hyperia to find it was up to a 60 minute wait, so I decided to put that off a bit longer.  Colossus had in fact opened and it was only on 25 minutes, so I decided to knock it out.  Amid another fantastic score, I meandered through a jungle-like setting.  Faded pea green Intamin track in need of a repaint weaved everywhere through impressive tree shade as I made my way towards the station of the world’s first ten inversion roller coaster.  Colossus opened in 2002 and marked the beginning of rampant expansion with six roller coasters being added within ten years, and Thorpe held the record for the most inversions in the world with this ride until the Smiler opened at Alton towers in 2013.  And while I’ve heard it’s not Intamin’s finest work, it’s still iconic, and I’d yet to ride anything like it.

I entered the station which looked like some kind of Mayan temple.  It’s dark with sun emblems on the walls and glass lanterns suspended by chains from the ceiling.  The trains are a dark red with seven cars, and appear similar to other Millennial Intamins with one major exception.  They must have the highest, bulkiest over the shoulder restraints I’ve ever seen, meaning that if this coaster is rough, which I’ve heard it is, head banging will be inevitable.  But then again, I’ve never ridden a single Intamin that’s actually rough.  Maybe they’ve got a vibration or rattle, but they’re not legit rough, like an Arrow or an old-school Vekoma.

I was assigned the back row which was cool, or maybe not if this thing is rough, but here I was ready to board.  There were some young girls on a school trip who got to chatting with me, and it blew their minds that I was here by myself all the way from America just to ride roller coasters.  They were fans of this ride, although they confirmed that it is rough.  I clumsily contorted around the bulky restraints and situated myself in the back row to ride solo, and lowered that obnoxiously large horse collar.  As the train dispatched, the girls told me to keep my head to one side.  I took their advice.

You leave the station and immediately begin the climb up a 98 foot chain lift.  You bank left at the top getting a gorgeous view of Hyperia as the train turns around and begins a somewhat mild first drop down to ground level.  You pull up into a vertical loop and dash over a speed hill with a bit of floater airtime before dipping beneath a pathway and rising up into a cobra roll.  So far so good.  Just feels like an Intamin doing loops.  You reverse beneath the same pathway and enter a corkscrew right, followed shortly by another.  They’re fine, not as whippy as you’ll find on a typical B&M, but not rough either.  You then bank left, staying low and surrounded by trees and enter Colossus’ signature moment.  Four back to back heartline rolls, and you take them pretty slow.  

Here’s where these restraints really hurt the ride because you’re kinda getting hangtime, and gravity wants to manipulate your head as you spin.  I put the girls’ tactic to work, and it was fine.  Far from a great roller coaster element, but it didn’t hurt either.  After the fourth consecutive roll, you turn around to the left again and Colossus finishes with one more roll before slowing in the magnetic brakes.

So while I didn’t feel the need to ride again, I also didn’t hate Colossus.  I absolutely love early Intamin and this gave me that feel.  The problem is that the elements are pretty uninspiring.  It’s kinda like an old school B&M without the bite.  Gimme some Kumba at Busch Gardens Tampa any day over this.  The quad roll did absolutely nothing for me.  It’s a gimmick and a cool photo op when taken from the end, but there’s no pizzazz to it.  The novelty here is in the numbers, and that ten-inversion record is what made this ride cool during the Coaster Wars.  Now that we’re in the mid 2020’s, let’s ditch those absurd shoulder harnesses for any other version of Intamin lap bars and this ride would be much better.

I left Colossus, and was greeted with an incredible surprise.  Hyperia’s queue was down to a mere 15 minutes!  I’d looked at wait times on the app yesterday in the early afternoon and they were in the 30 minute range, meaning I expected the morning crowds to spread throughout the park, but I never expected this!  It was finally time to experience Thorpe Park’s crown jewel, and one of my most anticipated roller coasters of this entire trip.  I stepped beneath the golden wings of Hyperia and entered the queue and was enveloped in the most epic soundtrack of the day, and if you’ve been to Thorpe Park, you know that’s saying something.

While many rides in this park have dark horror themes, Hyperia is different.  Named for a mythical golden goddess who conquered her fears by forging wings of steel and taking flight, this roller coaster invites you to Find Your Fearless!  The theme is simple, emotional, and looking up at that massive coaster combined with the music, it was completely successful in getting me fired up as full trains cruised by us in a wacky outerbanked turnaround heading for the lift.

Merlin selected Mack Rides to build a signature roller coaster for Thorpe Park, and it wasn’t an easy task.  The ride was built on the former plot of the Logger’s Leap log flume, so space was limited resulting in a layout unlike any other.  There’s no sprawling out-and-back with camelbacks and bunny hills on this hyper coaster.  The vertical first drop twists beneath itself, and the remainder of the course uses inversions and wild-looking turnarounds to quickly reverse direction creating a disorienting maelstrom of gold and pearl trackwork.  I’ve ridden plenty of coasters on this scale before, but this would be my first hyper from Mack, and everything about it looked completely unique.  Like, I have no idea how it’s going to feel.  And that, my friends, is a rarity I’ll chase to the ends of the Earth, and why I was so hyped for this ride.

The line moved quickly as the crews rolled trains and I soon found myself at the merge point between the stand-by, single rider, and Fast Track.  Only a short flight of stairs stood between me and the load station.  I glanced to the left and saw only a handful of people in the single rider line.  That looks like a good option for later.  Once the stairs cleared ahead, we were allowed to continue upward.  

From here, things moved super quickly.  A grouper fills each train front to back, and there’s no seat selection.  Only two train loads are permitted into the station at a time, and single riders are assigned to any available rows.  I was placed in row four of ten, and the station itself is minimalist yet magnificent!  Golden wings are mounted above the track as you depart, and a sign beneath the operator reads, “Forge your wings.”  Music pulses.  Lights flash.  Steam billows from below the track.  The atmosphere is electric, and it gets you so pumped to ride.  As my train glided into the station to unload, this is what it sounded like.  

The gates opened and I hustled aboard.  Mack Rides’ over the shoulder lap bars are among the best restraints in the business and their seats are super comfortable.  Ops were swift and it only took a few seconds before we were checked and out the door.

The audio continues as we engage the lift.  It’s steep and fast as we climb up to 236 feet.  Saint Ann’s Lake dominates the view to the right.  As the train climbs higher, there’s simply nothing in front of us.  Just a precipice growing ever closer.

At the top, the train begins a dive-bomb towards the ground in an incredible vertical drop accompanied by a rapid lateral burst as you twist 180 degrees to the left.  With zero time to process that ridiculousness, you pull up while turning slightly left, but rather than inverting, you snap to level and simultaneously get airtime as you’ve turned around for a second time and plummet back to ground level heading for Hyperia’s holiest of crap moments, the outerbanked turnaround.

You pitch up steeply, bank left, and the track folds around beneath you in a righteous right hand reverse.  Your thighs are pegged to that lap bar as the train holds you almost inverted while you turn.  Then, you actually invert in kinda the wrong direction as the track continues rolling left completing the turnaround, and airtime majestically transitions to hangtime simultaneously and seamlessly. While it feels so wrong, it’s actually so right!  You get the same feeling of prolonged ejector as the first outer bank on Steel Vengeance at Cedar Point, but it’s so much more dynamic because it’s also an inversion.  It’s stupendous.  

You level out at ground level and gently rise up next to the lift hill, and I think here’s where the goddess really figured out how to use those wings, because Hyperia gracefully flips up upside down and holds you inverted for a solid second or two of delightful floater in a euphoric zero-G stall.  I absolutely loved the contrast between ejector airtime and this sublime floater, but it didn’t last long.  

The positives come on hard as you pull out in a half-loop and get back to ejector in a second wonky outerbank, and about halfway through this right turn, you snap out to bank right and climb into a quick bunny hill before bleeding off speed in the final brakes.  

The other train was just engaging the lift hill and we waved to them as we gently coasted into the station beneath a sign.  Welcome fearless.

Wow.  Hyperia is 3,265.7 feet long, and every single inch of track is sheer perfection.  There’s simply nothing like it I’ve ridden.  It’s got everything you could want in a roller coaster.  A phenomenal first drop, ejector airtime, floating hangtime, positives, whip, and it’s all done with Mack Rides comfort and style, in a beautiful setting, and amid an epic vibe aided by the music and theme.  That outerbanked turnaround is one of the best roller coaster moments I’ve ever experienced.  It’s just so bonkers and unique, and I guess I’d say the same about the rest of the ride.  It flows beautifully between elements, and there’s not a single millisecond on this coaster that isn’t world class.                            

Now with that said, the universal criticism of Hyperia is that it’s too short.  I’m not prepared to say that, exactly, because I felt satisfied when I got off.  Would I have loved another element or two?  Absolutely.  Like gimme a big straight bunny hill with airtime before the brake run because everything this thing does is so outta whack, I think a bit of a traditional element would be a nice finale.  But alas, the ride is what it is, and I loved every bit of what it is.  It’s delightfully different from every other roller coaster I’ve ridden, and Thorpe Park and the UK have an absolute destination attraction on their hands with Hyperia. This ride would have been worth the trip here alone.  It’s that good.

The wait for Hyperia was up to 25 minutes as I walked down the exit ramp, so I decided to try out the single rider line for my second ride.  I made my way through the empty queue and within seconds, I was about 10-15 people away from that merge point at the bottom of the stairs.  The attendant managed the line effectively, pretty much allowing those with paid skip-the-line passes directly onto the stairwell, while also allowing large groups from the stand-by line up as the queue cleared ahead.  There was a separate lane on that staircase for single riders allowing the grouper at the top to fill empty seats provided by odd numbered parties, and it seemed like everybody was visiting in pairs on this day.  Still, I was onboard after 15 minutes, so it was a net positive, and this time I was assigned row 7, much closer to the back.

And this ride was even better!  The whip over the first drop was positively deranged, and it’s gotta be near the top of my list of greatest first drops ever.  The rest of the ride was mental as well, seemingly just a quarter step more wild than my first lap.

I’d been in the park for about four hours now, and I’d ridden all the roller coasters I’d intended to.  I didn’t feel the need to ride the Flying Fish Mack powered coaster.  I’d rather focus the remainder of my time getting re-rides, and I wanted several, but that would have to wait, as I was hungry  and it was time for lunch.  

Now I hadn’t heard the best things about the food at Thorpe Park.  I’d passed two Burger Kings earlier, and as an American, I didn’t travel all this way for a crappy burger I’d typically avoid back home, so I wandered the midways.  There was Spice Kitchen offering up Indian curries, but I had that last night for dinner.  Then I found Cape Cod Fish & Chips in the heart of Amity Beach, and what could be more British than that?  Plus I grew up near Cape Cod in Massachusetts so that was the winner.

As I approached the counter to place my order, I saw an option for curry sauce.  While tartar and/or cocktail would usually be my go-to with this dish back home, this option tantalized my tastebuds.  I’d never heard of fish and chips with curry before, but with Indian food so beloved here, I had to give it a go.

My plate came out piping hot and super fresh, completely smothered in that sauce.  I devoured that crispy fish, and it was outstanding!  The chips were spot on as well, but there were far too many of them to finish.  Still, I could want for nothing more in a theme park meal, and I’d highly recommend this option to anybody visiting Thorpe Park.  Five stars.

Feeling refreshed with a full belly, I set about walking the park for re-rides and taking photos and videos for Instagram.  Stealth was my first stop, but it was closed upon approach.  I looped back towards Nemesis Inferno taking videos and soon noticed Stealth was back up.  I darted for it and walked straight onto the second row.  Intamin’s stadium-style seating raises the back row of each car slightly, so I almost had the same view as the front row.  I preferred this seat to the back as you get absolutely hurled over the top hat.  And since there was still zero line, I walked around for a third lap in the same seat.  How often can you do that on any Intamin hydraulic launched coaster?

As I was getting ready to board, I got a tap on the shoulder from an Irish gentleman wearing a shirt for Wildfire at Kolmarden.  I was wearing a Knoebels shirt, which he recognized, and he assumed I was an enthusiast, and it was cool chatting with him.  I absolutely love these interactions in theme parks between people sharing the same passion, and I couldn’t wait to meet my Coaster Breaks crew tomorrow.

I continued back towards Swarm and got a second ride, this time in the back left inside seat with a 20 minute wait.  I was completely floored by how much better this ride was.  First off, you rotate up in the dive drop which is always preferred.  But dang, the whip through the zero-G roll and corkscrew were outta control, and the way I was flung through that final in-line twist was probably among the best moments I’ve ever had on any wing coaster.  This was a night and day difference versus my first ride, and Swarm very well may be among my favorite wings in that seat.

I returned to Nemesis Inferno and pretty much walked onto the front row.  I was surprised to find it was a bit rougher up there, but the views were awesome as you’d expect.  I definitely prefer this ride in the back though.

And alas, with just over an hour until park close, I returned to Hyperia in hopes of getting as many rides as possible to end out the day.  I did the single rider line again and waited about 25 minutes, and against all odds, I secured a front row ride.  I was ecstatic!  The views from up there were unbelievable as I found my fearless for the third time and I felt unstoppable as the train plowed into the brakes.  

I took more videos around the ride and my phone buzzed that my battery was low.  Crap.  I didn’t know if it was the E-SIM, or just the sheer amount of time I used it on this day.  I had a similar problem last year at Epic Universe, and I barely had enough battery left to order my Uber back to my hotel, and now I was faced with a similar quandary.  The line for Hyperia was about 25 minutes, and I had plenty of time for another go.  I really wanted a back row ride.  But I also couldn’t bear the thought of having my phone go dead before getting my Uber.  

I decided that my front row ride on Hyperia would be my last.  I mean, that would be hard to top, right?  I bought a T-shirt from the gift shop, and made my way towards the exit.  Another thing I failed to mention earlier is that despite a weather forecast overcast skies and cooler temperatures, the clouds cleared for the majority of my day, and it was much warmer, only adding to the experience, and leaving me sunburned as I failed to pack my SPF.  Seems I always forget something.

As I walked back across that bridge, signs were posted above the walkway reading, “Spirits Lifted” and “Memories Made” with a checked box below each.  And yes, I’d certainly check both of those boxes and then some.  I had an incredible day at Thorpe Park, and it was a perfect beginning to my Europe trip.  I absolutely loved the dark theming of the Walking Dead, Saw, and Swarm.  You just don’t find much of that in the US, and where this is unabashedly a thrill park, why not lean hard into horror?  

And with or without darkness, the ride line-up here is amazing!  No doubt Hyperia is the star of the show, and I loved everything about its unconventional layout, uplifting theme, and gorgeous golden glamour.  Then add in the rush of Stealth, and two strong B&M loopers, and even Colossus and Thorpe’s a park I’ll happily revisit when I come back to England.  I love that every ride has a theme and a soundtrack, and even if they’re a bit loose, they’re done far better here than many regional parks in America, and this country has so many other parks I want to check out, I need to come back.   

So what’s on the horizon for Thorpe’s next addition?  That newly closed Rumba Rapids plot seems to be the most logical location for the park’s next scream machine, and if it were me in a vacuum, I’d put up a brand new GCI with twists, turns, laterals and airtime because I firmly believe every good thrill park needs a strong wooden roller coaster, and that’s the biggest thing missing in Thorpe’s line-up.  

Sadly, I don’t think that’ll be the case.  With the closure of Rumba Rapids and Logger’s Leap, the park has lost two major water rides in the last few years, so my money is on a new water coaster from Mack Rides to fill that void.  I hope I’m wrong, but we’ll have to wait and see.   

So my battery survived long enough for me to secure my Uber back to the Moxy, and along the way, I got a message from Daniel, my Coaster Breaks tour guide, reminding me of our meet-up tomorrow at 1pm at the Ashford International Station.  Still on an adrenaline rush from my day, I tapped back a response waxing about Hyperia and confirming I’d be there tomorrow.

I returned to my room, and set about planning my railway voyage in the morning.  I grew up riding public transportation in Boston, so how hard could it be?  I posted an Instagram reel for Hyperia, watched some YouTube, and ordered Butter Chicken from the same Indian restaurant as last night, slightly preferring this curry to the last.  I passed out hard after an amazing day at Thorpe Park, ready to meet my companions for the upcoming week and begin the next leg of this journey.

Join me for the next episode when I learn the nuances of British rail travel, meet my new coaster crew, and begin the tour with my first-ever rides on Turbine, Mecaladon, Kondaa and more!  My Coaster Breaks adventure begins from Walibi Belgium, next time on Coaster Redux.